Words of a Worrier

Hello.
My name is Amanda, and I am a worrier.

I have always tended to worry.  It seems we all have something that we tend to struggle with and my big thing is worry.  I hate worrying!  I hate how I feel when I worry.  I hate feeling like I have made others worry.  I just simply hate it, yet that is what I struggle with.

Why?

Why is it I do the very thing I hate?  Romans 7:15 says "I don't really understand myself, for I want to do what is right, but I don't do it.  Instead, I do what I hate." (NLT)

As I wrestle with this I cant help but be thankful for my husband.  He, unlike me, does not have this struggle.  I love how God places individuals in our lives to encourage us, challenge us, and spur us on in our walk with Him.  My husband is that to me!  He has such faith and he always challenges me to trust what God is doing and to just rest in Him.

I often will know in my mind that worrying doesn't do a darn thing, that God is faithful to lead me and direct me where is best for me, but I struggle to feel it in my heart.  

As we anticipate the arrival of our first child I find myself having moments filled with worry and fear.  Fear of the unknown.  Fear of what the next 8 months will bring for us as we seek to finish our schooling, and move forward in full time ministry.

The Bible is clear about this nasty thing called fear:

"For God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control." (ESV)

2 Timothy 1:7  

"Don't be afraid, for I am with you.  Don't be discouraged, for I am your God.  I will strengthen you and help you.  I will hold you up with my victorious right hand."(NLT)

Isaiah 41:10

"When I am afraid, I put my trust in you." (ESV)

Psalm 56:3 

I often find it funny how God has lead me to be a missionary.  So many people have told me that they could never do it themselves.  I want to assure everyone that I am no one special.  I am just like them, and struggle with things just like they would.  God is leading me down a path of learning what it means to blindly trust Him and rest on Him.  He is giving me many opportunities to practice trusting Him instead of allowing worry and fear to take over.  

So...When I find myself worrying and gripped by fear I am reminded to trust.  Trust in the One who created all things.  Trust in the One who knows what is best for me.  I am to trust the One who is with me, who gives me strength, and who is holding me as I walk into the unknown.